Just Listen...

Just Listen

Don't Think. Don't Judge.

Just Listen...

I cried today. I think for the first time in a really long time, probably like four years. Actually I did cry when Dumbledore died in Harry Potter 6. The first time I ever cried because of a book.

Well today was the second time I ever cried because of a book and this was seriously full-blown-crying-jag-record-breaking stuff. I don't think I have ever cried this much. Funnily enough I did cry about the book but not in the usual way. I mean that book was good. Not happy exactly, more like bitter-sweet. But that's not why I cried.

I cried because I am so similair to the main character it scares me. She isn't perfect and she isn't happy. She's figuring out stuff. Her life is complicated. She relies on music to get her through life. The only difference is I don't have a guy to be my friend and help me through it. Perhaps music dictates the pattern your life will follow.

I'm just so confused by everything she does. It's like her whole life is a lie because she doesn't want to face the truth and I kept wondering how no one noticed. I didn't understand how that could be possible. How can no one notice what's going on with you? Then I realised something.

No one noticed with me either. No one knows.

People just like to hide the truth, the pain, so that no one else has to deal with it. And also because they don't want to have to deal with it. It's just easier. Simpler I guess. Well that's the way it is for me.

I can be skeptical and cynical all I want about everything in this book but it all boils down to the fact that I'm ten times worse than her because I don't reform and I sure as hell don't have a guy helping me along the way.

The last guy I talked to, he called me Disturbed. He doesn't even know me and he called me disturbed. This other really good friend of mine got me in touch with a counsellor. Why do they do this to me?

Surely they know that I am not in need of medical or pyschiatrical help. I'm just a normal teenager experiencing life. I am not Disturbed. And even if I was, that would be my business. I wish people would just stop trying to make something I'm not. Especially because I haven't figured out who I am.