Damn, I really need to get wasted right now. I've never ever needed to be trashed before but crap it's been the suckiest day today.You see today was the day of the "Uparty" which was supposed to be a big deal until it wasn't...which was when I got there.
It was smelly and hot and crowded and so freaking akward it's not even funny. The thing about going to single sex, or any, school is that you only know a finite group of people. And everyone knows the same people. And when you have a problem and stop being friends, everyone else still knows that person and you can't escape them.
It's actually unbelievable. I mean I knew that it was going to be akward but I didn't anticipate anything close to what it was. There was a problem with me not talking to Y and then I was bummed because he didn't seem to care that much. And also because I flinched away and I think I probably went dead pale when he shouted at me.
Then of course there was S, which would have been an avoidable issue had D not aggravated the situation. Apparently there is still no love lost between him and I. S was hiding behind him! And then, by reflex, I tried to hide behind Az which wasn't particularly effective. I mean it was completely out of the blue. He was all "Hey Safura" And I was like "OMG hey!" and then he shoves - yes shoves - S toward me with a "Do you know S?" Bastard! That smug expression said it all. He knew exactly what he was doing.
And then to top it all off - in my sober state - I met the first guy who asked me out, the first no I gave as well. He looked completely different and was completely different. As much as the years have changed me that pales in comparison to him. He's really built, kinda good looking and has evidently matured a great deal more that me and a heck of alot more than D.
Of course it had to be the embarrassing "Do you remember me?" to which I just stared at him, I would have regconised him had he not told me! The dude is so different, I had to give him an up-down cause I really couldn't get over it. To shocked to make coherent conversation, I mean he was basically carrying the conversation though ordinarily I would have chattered away. He probably thought I was trying to chase him away - which I so was not - but I didn't know what to do, I mean I'm sure he had places to be...or not. The most memorable was when he asked me what I was doing after school and I said I didn't know, u? and he said "Psychology" Of course I was kind of surprised so I just blurted without thinking - as usual - "I like the way you just said that. Like Psychology. Very decisive" Or something along those lines.
Not the point, the point is that I made a fool of myself in a million ways tonight and they all went home thinking "OMG that bitch is a psycho" and in reverance that they don't have to speak to me again. Which is definately the impression I want to be making - not. I don't know what more I can do. I really am lost. I have about 2 and a half months to get a date for matric dance and heck, no options in sight. I should speak to Yousuf...
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