VouLeEeEe VoUsSsS!!!!!!! AhA! YoU kNoW wHaT tO dO!!!!

Do not let my partyish title fool you, there is nothing even remotely so childishly extravagant in the way I feel at this very moment, hard as that maybe to comprehend. For those of you who are of the later generation (like myself) and have no interest or appreciation of the era of music our parents gro0ved to (unlike myself), Voulez Vous was one of ABBAs most famous hits and currently on repeat in my itunes playlist. Anyway this entry actually has very little, if anything, to do with Swedish bands of the 60s and 70s (don't quote me on that time frame). It in fact is more self-absorbed and self-indulgent than the previous posts on my blog, which leads to the inevitable conclusion that this post is about, me, surprising huh?

Anyway back to the point or rather forward to it, when looking at my earlier posts there was a sense of, not only confusion, but also of unfulfillment and dissatisfaction and also of dissapointment in myself. For the past 3 years I've been trying to find that certainty and confidence in myself that somehow mysteriously vanished one day. Guess you could call me a late bloomer because everyone had long since entered and passed this stage of total confusion and disorienting lack of direction and purpose. Well the thing about being human is that we live for the present and things are able to change in the flash of a moment.

In laymans terms, I got my groove back.This isn't a movie or a book so there still isn't a complete and total conclusion with no gaps whatsoever. I still have no idea what I'm going to do after my senior year, which is looming scarily close, as in it starts in less than 3 months. This time next year I'll be eagerly anticipating the letters of acceptance from universities of my choice, if I ever manage to decide on a career let alone a university. Getting accepted is another story entirely.

But all the technicalities and practicalities aside, I realised today, in the flash of a moment, that I have become the person I wanted to be. Someone who not only has desires but also fulfills them despite the (very few though disheartening) odds against her. The opinion others have of me is actually irrelevant and friendships are not as crucial as they seem, though I don't think it is for the best that I become so clinically detatached and perhaps require the balancing of the two extremes. The thing is that I am calpable of achieving what I want when I know what I want. It's not a lack of trying that has hindered me for so long but rather a loss of purpose and seemlingly directionless pursuits.

Whether in small things or in great, I have achieved and continue to achieve, no longer a one hit wonder. I know that sucess is not to achieve but rather the continuation of achievement, for myself or for the greater good is of no relevance. We cannot find groundbreaking solutions to global problems everyday of our lives but we can all plant a tree, walk a mile or just smile at the sun. Basking or running, it is all an achievement and that achievement is to be content and to be happy.